There’s a bravado often uttered by the proud: “no regrets”. Songs, movies, and books echo the sentiment. Whether sung by Edith Pilaf — “Non, Je ne regrette rien” — or most sonorously by Sinatra — “I did it my way” —, regret is shooed away. But a person without regrets is a person who hasn’t faced the harms of selfish or reckless choices they have made.
I don’t regret what I’ve been through. I’ve had ups and downs, super highs and some really low lows. I’ve been so blessed that I could never say, ‘I wish this didn’t happen.’ It’s part of who I am. There’s nothing in my life that’s so ugh.
Jennifer Lopez
By contrast …
Use It
Humility and regret are intertwined. Regret grounds humility, and humility permits regret. Regret is possible when we are willing to acknowledge that we have done wrong. Clinging to one’s unsullied goodness and pride requires refusing to grasp the impact of our decisions. But though admitting one’s mistakes and wickedness does require humility, it’s the only path away from destruction.
In a wrenching scene from Magnolia (1999), a father whose sins have shattered the lives of many of the story’s characters makes a dying lament on behalf of regret. “This is the regret that you make. It’s something you take. … Know that you should do better. … What did I do? … They say you shouldn’t regret anything. You regret what you want. Use it. … Life ain’t short. It’s long. What did I do? What did I do?” (Strong content warning.)
Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.
Henry David Thoreau
Regret and Change
Out of love, the Apostle Paul wrote a severe letter to the Corinthians in the hopes of shaking them back onto a righteous path.
Now I am glad I sent [the letter], not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way. 10For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
11Just see what this godly sorrow produced in you! Such earnestness, such concern to clear yourselves, such indignation, such alarm, such longing to see me, such zeal, and such a readiness to punish wrong. You showed that you have done everything necessary to make things right.
2 Corinthians 7:9-11 NLT
Regretting our harmful deeds is a seed of change.
Reflection
- If you’ve never dealt with regret, consider a private sin or an act someone told you hurt them. Do an accounting of all the harm it may have caused.
- Reflect on how any stubborn habits in your own life have robbed you of possible joys and accomplishments.
- Consider one thing you could do to begin turning away from a selfish habit that harms others.